film, eyeballs, brain

Eloise: I never thought I’d have Angelina Jolie’s butt that close to my face.
Me: I never thought I’d have Anthony Hopkins‘ butt that close to my face.

Which just about sums up Beowulf, really: a relentlessly puerile cartoon aimed directly at 12-year old boys and savvily hitting the ceiling of a PG-13. (I can’t believe Neil Gaiman (and Roger Avary) were partly responsible for this crud, which, acting- and writing-wise, is only a few degrees removed from a videogame’s cutscene. Actually, that’s what it is: a videogame on the big screen, complete with different quests and big bosses at the end of every level.)

Still, it’s worth seeing the film on the big screen for one reason alone. My friend Eloise and I saw it in 3-D and on an Imax screen, and ten minutes into the film — and that includes the Paramount logo — my 12-year old mind was screaming HOLY BEJEEZUS EVERY MOVIE EVER MADE FROM NOW ON HAS TO BE IN 3-D!!! To have spears, bodies, rocks, arrows, and boobs all flying at you within inches of your face is absolutely thrilling, and there aren’t very many real-life situations that would let you have that experience. (I mean all at the same time.)

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Possibly related posts:

1. Robert Bresson, “Lancelot du Lac” (1974).
2. Ato Bautista, “Blackout” (2007).
3. Roy Andersson, "You the Living" (2007).