Your flight crew would like to make the following ten helpful suggestions and observations for your maximum enjoyment of Snakes on a Plane:
1. Take the rowdiest crowd — one who would line up at least 100-people deep an hour before the film begins — and fill the theater with it.
2. Bring rubber snakes. Toss them into the air whenever someone dies a grisly death or does something heroic. (It was literally raining snakes at the Metreon earlier this evening.)
3. Have the crowd be drunk.
4. Consuming two or three pints yourself doesn’t hurt either.
5. Cheer and hoot whenever Samuel L. Jackson says something vaguely tough / funny / menacing. (Actually, cheer when the previews begin, cheer when the movie itself begins, cheer when you see the first shot of Honolulu International Airport, and cheer when you see the plane take off. That’ll get you all excited.)
6. A closeup of pus oozing from a snakebite wound provokes much cringing and laughing.
7. So does a snake crawling up a woman’s skirt.
8. And a guy having his penis bitten by a snake.
9. Hiss loudly whenever it’s quiet or one of the characters on screen goes somewhere they shouldn’t.
10. Yell “Snakes!” whenever it’s semantically appropriate.
I don’t think I’ve ever emerged from a movie hoarse before. Two words, folks: see it.
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